SouthEastern Trains: redefining useless
I’m an angry person generally, but I am at heart a reasonable person. You can reason with me. But I don’t reason with the unreasonable.
This morning, I thought it might be a good idea to go to London. I need to go to the library, and I need to go talk to an Apple Store Genius. And after that, I thought I’d get some dinner and maybe poke round somewhere like the Science Museum or something.
I arrived at Tunbridge Wells station at 10:00 am. There was a train which claimed to be going to London Charing Cross at 10:09. Great.
I get on the train, and there is no indication that it is going anywhere other than Charing Cross. Until the approach to Tonbridge, when the announcement informs us that the train will possibly diverted via Redhill. Okay, that is fine by me. Slower but we still get to London. Apparently, there has been an electrical fault at the Sevenoaks tunnel.
We pull into Tonbridge, and are then told by an automated announcement that the train was stopping at Tonbridge: “all change please”. They then inform us that the next train would be at 10:50 on platform 2 - forty minutes wait.
So we all trot around getting coffee, waiting, listening to more announcements. A train arrives on platform two - almost empty, with eight carriages. I should have known that it was too good to be true. We all get on the train, only to be told that despite the signs and constant announcements for the last forty minutes, the train would not actually be going to London, but another one would on platform one. The train did arrive on platform one: four carriages, already filled with passengers. It was standing only, before another train full of people attempted to get on the train.
At this point, a little announcement like “We apologise for the overcrowding of this train - another train to London will be arriving to London in N minutes on platform P” would be greatly appreciated. No such luck. Absolutely no useful information over the tannoys, and what with the numerous cockups - well, let me just say that my regard for the testimonial reliability of railway signage was at an all time low.
They then inform us that it may be easier to get to London by taking the railway replacement bus service to Sevenoaks and Orpington and then taking a train from Orpington to London.
I am at this point contemplating whether or not I am likely to get to London sometime before the Apocalypse. Then a train turns up with absolutely no useful marking or announcement. Eventually, they explain that it is a Southern (note, not SouthEastern) stopping service going to London Bridge via Redhill. I reluctantly board. Now I’m on this stupid poxy service that doesn’t actually go where I want to go, in an uncomfortable ironing board of a seat, and will arrive at Charing X almost an hour and a half later than expected. God knows how crap my return journey is going to be.
Problems are inevitable on our railway network. Accidents happen. We can live with problems, so long as you communicate. As a train traveller, I am bukkaked with useless information every time I travel. But when it actually matters that they communicate with travellers, nobody knows what is going on. The station staff and train staff don’t know anything - the signs don’t work. The announcements still spam you with the usual routine announcements but do not tell you how to actually get where you want to go.
I mean, how difficult does it need to be? Does the train network actually have any kind of useful unified communication system? Tell people about every problem that might affect their journey. All the constant loop of stupid announcements about security and stuff - turn them off. Make sure the announcement boards are accurate. Really, this is pretty basic stuff. Just to put this into perspective, I can see two information boards at Purley. They say in all-caps “CUSTOMER INFORMATION SYSTEM” and the time. They don’t actually say what trains are coming. So, yes, they are a customer information system, but they aren’t conveying any information of any use for customers. Fix this and you will fix my main complaint with the train services in this country.
